3 Insecure Attachment Styles and Journal Prompts

Attachment theory suggests that the way we relate to others is shaped by our early experiences with caregivers. However, as the theory has expanded, it has been identified that any significant relationship can shape our attachment style. When these relationships are inconsistent or marked by neglect or over-involvement, they can lead to insecure attachment styles. These styles influence how we perceive ourselves and interact in relationships throughout our lives. Recognizing and understanding the core wounds associated with these styles is a crucial step toward healing and forming healthier relationships.

Anxious Preoccupied Attachment

Common Core Wounds and Emotions:

• Fear of abandonment leading to panic and emptiness

• Feeling of insufficiency and fear of rejection causing sadness and loneliness

• Experiencing exclusion and lack of belonging triggering jealousy and sadness

• Neglect of own needs in favor of pleasing others resulting in feelings of being unseen and unheard

Dismissive Avoidant Attachment

Common Core Wounds and Emotions:

• Anticipatory abandonment and existential loneliness

• Perceived safety issues causing panic and agitation

• Belief in personal defectiveness leading to shame and sadness

• Feeling trapped and powerless in relationships, marked by frustration and anxiety

• Harsh self-judgment and criticism when making mistakes

• Emotional needs unmet in childhood, leading to feelings of disconnection and aloneness

Fearful Avoidant Attachment

Common Core Wounds and Emotions:

• Fear of betrayal and strong feelings of anger and resentment

• Self-perception of being bad or defective, leading to shame and panic

• Feelings of unworthiness and guilt

• Sensation of being unsafe or under attack, resulting in volatile anger

• Belief in being a burden, accompanied by guilt and depression

Journal Prompts for Reflection

To help you reflect on your own attachment style, consider the following journal prompts:

1. Identify Your Patterns:

   • When I feel anxious or insecure in a relationship, what behaviors do I typically exhibit?

   • Reflect on a recent situation where you felt abandoned or rejected. What thoughts and emotions arose?

2. Explore Your Core Wounds:

   • Which of the core wounds listed above resonate with me the most, and why (think to a recent relationship incident)?

   • Think about a time when you felt unseen or unheard. How did you react, and what did you need at that moment?

3. Understand Your Longings:

   • Behind my anxious behaviors, what am I truly longing for in my relationships?

   • If I peel back the layers of my avoidant tendencies, what am I hoping to find or achieve?

4. Express the Unspoken:

   • What am I not expressing in my relationships that, if shared, could lead to deeper connection?

   • Consider a moment when you held back from communicating your needs. What stopped you, and what would you say now?

5. Seeking Healing:

   • In what ways can I practice self-compassion and self-awareness to understand my attachment style better?

Reflecting on these prompts can provide insight into your attachment style and the underlying wounds that drive your behavior. Understanding what you're longing for and what you're not expressing can help you navigate relationships with greater awareness and intention. By acknowledging these aspects of yourself, you can begin to heal and move towards more secure and fulfilling connections with others. Someday, I hope to come out with a complete journal for each attachment style. Stay tuned.